Free law tips from momo!

O hai!

Since attorneys, lawyers and other bloodsuckers charge tremendous amounts of money for advice (about enough to buy a structured settlement), im gonna give out some free tips!
1) Dont get caught. If you are a wifebeater, mass murderer or just a drunk driver- dont get caught.
2) Eliminate all the witnesses. If you were stupid enough to get caught, eliminate the problem.
3) Tamper with the evidence. Dont let your handprints be on the chainsaw what was used to murder justin bieber- frame usher!
4) Burn down a police station. I dont know how that is supposed to help but heck, do it anyway.
5) When you really-really have to go to the court, make sure you bribe the jury. This should work.
6) Kill the family of judge. It is really that simple. After that you can pull off a motherfucking holocaust if you want to. 7) Kill justin bieber. Read point 3 for more info.
8) Threaten people or bribe your way to freedom.
9) Always lie. If the attorneys can lie, so can you!
10) Use these tips!

Okay, lets come back to earth for a second. If you have been suffering from an assault, divorce, oil spill, loss of home, being caught with DUI or DWI or whatever- you should recieve a compensation. Yes, find a bloodsucker attorney and ask for real advice. You can get a pretty nice compensation for absolutely nothing, like Sexual Harrassment Panda taught us last week- even some simple things can lead up to HUGE monetary compensations- big enough to buy a structured settlement and find the cure for mesothelioma! It really is that simple!

Dont mind me, that was a part of another experiment, about what i'd like to talk a bit. It's sectioned targeting. See, you dont see any murder and holocaust ads on this site, because I isolated the horribly mutilated content between special tags. You can read more about this from here: https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=23168 With that, you can block all the unwanted keywords out and leave in only the important ones like:
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$64.27 new york personal injury lawyer
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$61.17 mesothelioma lawyers
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$58.25 what is mesothelioma
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But my opion on the suing is same: if you hate that person and you are greedy- sue him or her. Otherwise just beat the living crap out of him/her and be happy. Thank you.

YOU DUN GOOF'D MCDONALDS

Want a horribly mutilated anus?

Everybody knows McDonalds- the ignorant workers, the diarrhea dollar menu, long lines and so on.
What makes McDonald's so special? Well, i guess the people. I love to get my food served by people, who dont understand a word i say. In example- i ask for a double cheeseburger, the smelly bum behind the counter is like: "Que?" or "Chicken sandwich?".
Also, im quite sure they pee in the soda machine and take dumps on the grill. That would explain the bad taste and unexplainably horrible stomach diseases you can catch there. Gotta catch 'em all!
And the food...well paying several dollars for a dry bread with tasteless thing that looks like a dried up turd between it, is just not my thing. Also, diarrhea.

He's loving it!

McDonalds food should be prescription only- for constipation cure, because after eating something from the dollar menu, you will poop for days. You will poop so much that you'll be lucky if you have any bones left after that.
And the gravy...mmm delicious! I bet its made out of horse semen and nail clippings.
Dont forget the fries! Nice, soaking in oil...FREE HEART ATTACK WITH EVERY PURCHASE!
Seriously, they never change the oil. Never. And the mexicans use the fryer as a jacuzzi after working hours. If you find feces and hair on your fries- you know why!
Instead of standing in line for aidsburger, go to a store, buy the ingredients yourself and make some damn burgers. Save money and save your intestines from the horror of McDiarrhea McDonalds.

That guy could put McDonald's out of business!

YOU LOVIN IT?
Tell in the comments!

racism

As you just saw, racism doesnt involv only mocking black guys. Chinese people make fun of us and so on.

This is OK!

Racism is not OK but racist jokes and stereotypes are. It is not ok to put on your robes and lynch a darkie. Well, unless you live in southern states, its the goddamn national sport there besides spitting, drinking, being poor and shooting at everything.
There are bright and talented black people out there, but it is quite cool to mock those lazy criminal niglets, who stole your bike. When you do that and someone says thats racist, you have my permission to beat the living crap out of this person. Heck, KKK should hunt down those people instead who think that some jokes are instantly total racism
You think that black people dont mock white ones? Go to a bad neighbourhood and see what happens- you'll get a bullet in your ass just for being white. Isnt that racism? No, thats "cultural heritage" and "ethnic culture". But when a white person says: "Damn nigga took my TV!", then  thats racism(even if a nigga really took a TV!). Dude, this thing is too fucked up. Those gangstas only justify the jokes and stereotypes.



Why isn't shooting white people racism? Or, go to china. 10 bucks that you end up molested or in jail for being different color that yellow. Is that cultural heritage again?
Seriously, doing nigger/chinese /whatever jokes is not racism! Its humor, and most of the cases- true stories. Hanging niglets besides a burning cross is racism, as is getting shot in a bad neighbourhood, huh honkey?
It is not right, that some whining dykes come stopping you say the nigger-word. Or other stuff. Why should it be OK to other races mock whites and whites must shut the fuck up? I dont see the logic here. Well ok, we enslaved your ancestors etc etc, but look at the news- see all the starvin' marvin'-s in Ethiopia? Atleast here, you have KFC and all the watermellin you can mongle.
It is unfair to take away the right to tell stereotypical jokes and stories!
But what do i think about the whole thing myself? Well, that.


Its a fucking bucket of crap.

Heck, here is another proof to a stereotype:


WHAT DO YOU THINK? 
Tell us in the comments!

People who seriously need to shut the fuck up

1) Ecoterrorists. Yes, we do care about the environment but seriously guys, constant jabbering about the mother earth pisses us off. Also, greetings to Greenpeace. Your ship is really ecofriendly! Even supertankers pollute less. Good job, ass-hats!
2) PETA. Have you dickswabs heard about food chain? I guess not. Also, thanks to your soy and tofu consumption, forests have been cut down to make room for fields. You know what cutting down forests causes? Extinction of species, thats what. Go fuck a donkey, shitstains.
3) Emo kids. You are not artistic, you are not special, people do understand you. We understand that you are a whiny piece of shit that deserves to put out of your misery. Please wear targets on your foreheads, that we could shoot you more easily.
4) Hipsters and hippies. Nobody gives a crap what you say and you smell bad. Go buy a soap instead of a macbook, damn cocksucking fags.
5) Paris Hilton. You know why.
6) Justin Bieber. Im sick of that singing fetus.
9) Mormons. No, i dont want to go to heaven if its filled with guys like you. I'd rather burn in eternal flames.
10) People from the drug commercials. I really dont give a crap about bladder infections and sonic diarrhea. If i have a disease and need drugs, i'll just go ask a doctor.
11) Oprah. Go see a dietician. Also, im tired of your bullshit and racism. Eat more cake and get a heart attack.
12) Chinese supremacists. Your nation is poor and crappy, go smell elsewhere.
13) Dykes and gay activists. Okay, i have nothing against fags but fucking do your shit privatly. Those protests and stuff like that made us hate you in the first place.

Have more ideas? Tell in the comments!

Call to arms!

I have ranted here enough, now its time to take some real action!

Im extremely annoyed of douchebags in their sportscars, SUVs, hummers and crap like that, who cant parallel park or even read the sign HANDICAPPED PARKING ONLY. Those faggots need to get their lesson.
When you see a badly parked car, get out your universal tool- keys. A rock or another sharp object will do the trick. Now press in on the car's body and scrape. Bonus points if you crudely draw a penis on the hood of the car- let everybody know who the driver is! A dickhead!
I will later supply you with authentic dickhead® stencil too!
Stay tuned!


 

DONT GET CAUGHT!
Some of the drivers can be quite
strong :)

OMG! A review!

Im not much of a review person but what the heck, everybody else is doing it so im gonna do one too!
Now lets see...what to write about *looks around* AH! My trusty old Nikon D40 DSLR!

With all the new 100000 megapixel cameras coming out, it would be interesting to see, how useful can still be older models.
Nikon D40 was given into production in late 2006 and discontinued in early 2009. I bought mine in early 2008, so it has been working for me for the past 3 years - flawlessly. But im not gonna tell you those boring techincal specs. Instead, im gonna tell you about my own experience.

The camera is made out of cheap plastic but seems to have some reinforcements inside. I dont care about the cheap plastic part since dropping the camera to concrete floor will definately do more damage than wrecking the enclosure, so i dont mind. Seriously- if you drop your camera, the magnesium alloy enclosure wont save anything. Most likely you will total the optics and autofocus sensor. Plus the plastic enclosure makes the camera really lightweight and comfortable, since it wont freeze to absolute zero during winter. And the ergonomics are just excellent! One of the most comfortable cameras i have ever used!

The battery is also quite decent, lasted up to 1300 frames when new so i rarely had to recharge it.
If you have a good lens mounted on it, you will have crisp and clear images with really good colors. The lens that came with the camera is quite medicore- good colors, decent focus but it is fragile like dried up poop. They are made that some guide rails inside the lens barrel will bend and warp in a few years, so that you have to buy a new lens. Clever, eh?

One bonus is a quite big screen, what is bright enough even bright sunlight.
The on-camera flash is quite crappy but does the trick if needed, also the continuos shoot rate is low, only 2FPS. But thats also OK, i have never needed faster rate.
It eats SD memory cards, what are cheap and can hold quite much data, so you can take it on your holiday without worries.
Also, it is easy enough to use, even when you are drunk. Really-really drunk. Telling from my own experience.

Main thing- it has been with me for a long time, making excellent pictures all the time and never failing me. It has been in rain, in blizzard and in scorching heat and the only problem has been dust on sensor, what can be removed in one minute. It has survived and it is still working. It's a shame that it got discontinued.
Conclusion: It is a nice all-around camera with what you can make pretty pictures if you are not completely retarded or a hipster.