Sunday, September 26, 2010

lawyers are from hell vol2

An Observation by Sandra Day O'Connor
"There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people."

The Hundred-Dollar Bill.
        Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
        The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

A Reasonable Fee
        A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
        The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
        "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
        "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

Questions About Lawyers
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
        A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
        A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Face of a murderer? Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
        A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
        A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
        A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
        A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
        A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
        A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
        A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
        A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

There is right and wrong. Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
        A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
        A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
        A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
        A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech>
        A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Final home for lawyers Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
        A: Just say, "Fees!"

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
        A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

28 comments:

  1. the first pic killed me haha, nice post man ;)

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  2. Hilarious. What was this artist's name again? And fucking awesome, now following.

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  3. Very funny. Following, cant wait to see updates

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  4. lawyer jokes can you ever get enough of them.

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  5. very funny stuff, thanks for sharing. Looking forward to seeing more from you in the future

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  6. LOL!! Some of these are awesome

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  7. Hmmmm nice post looking forward to more in the future cant wait always following you mate
    cya

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  8. ll the one about shame and pity was awesome!

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  9. Devil's advocate...
    May The FORCE be With You!

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  10. That just made my day:)

    cheers:*

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  11. Lawers ARE from hell XD

    (rukoshi.blogspot.com)

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