Free law tips from momo!

O hai!

Since attorneys, lawyers and other bloodsuckers charge tremendous amounts of money for advice (about enough to buy a structured settlement), im gonna give out some free tips!
1) Dont get caught. If you are a wifebeater, mass murderer or just a drunk driver- dont get caught.
2) Eliminate all the witnesses. If you were stupid enough to get caught, eliminate the problem.
3) Tamper with the evidence. Dont let your handprints be on the chainsaw what was used to murder justin bieber- frame usher!
4) Burn down a police station. I dont know how that is supposed to help but heck, do it anyway.
5) When you really-really have to go to the court, make sure you bribe the jury. This should work.
6) Kill the family of judge. It is really that simple. After that you can pull off a motherfucking holocaust if you want to. 7) Kill justin bieber. Read point 3 for more info.
8) Threaten people or bribe your way to freedom.
9) Always lie. If the attorneys can lie, so can you!
10) Use these tips!

Okay, lets come back to earth for a second. If you have been suffering from an assault, divorce, oil spill, loss of home, being caught with DUI or DWI or whatever- you should recieve a compensation. Yes, find a bloodsucker attorney and ask for real advice. You can get a pretty nice compensation for absolutely nothing, like Sexual Harrassment Panda taught us last week- even some simple things can lead up to HUGE monetary compensations- big enough to buy a structured settlement and find the cure for mesothelioma! It really is that simple!

Dont mind me, that was a part of another experiment, about what i'd like to talk a bit. It's sectioned targeting. See, you dont see any murder and holocaust ads on this site, because I isolated the horribly mutilated content between special tags. You can read more about this from here: https://www.google.com/adsense/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=23168 With that, you can block all the unwanted keywords out and leave in only the important ones like:
$78.30 chicago personal injury lawyer
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$64.27 new york personal injury lawyer
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$63.10 new york personal injury attorney
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$61.17 mesothelioma lawyers
$60.74 atlanta personal injury lawyer
$60.29 new york personal injury lawyers
$59.00 lasik dallas
$58.68 new york personal injury lawyers
$58.38 miami personal injury attorney
$58.25 what is mesothelioma
$58.08 best equity loan
$57.95 lasik new york
$56.88 whole life insurance quote
$56.75 new york car insurance

But my opion on the suing is same: if you hate that person and you are greedy- sue him or her. Otherwise just beat the living crap out of him/her and be happy. Thank you.

YOU DUN GOOF'D MCDONALDS

Want a horribly mutilated anus?

Everybody knows McDonalds- the ignorant workers, the diarrhea dollar menu, long lines and so on.
What makes McDonald's so special? Well, i guess the people. I love to get my food served by people, who dont understand a word i say. In example- i ask for a double cheeseburger, the smelly bum behind the counter is like: "Que?" or "Chicken sandwich?".
Also, im quite sure they pee in the soda machine and take dumps on the grill. That would explain the bad taste and unexplainably horrible stomach diseases you can catch there. Gotta catch 'em all!
And the food...well paying several dollars for a dry bread with tasteless thing that looks like a dried up turd between it, is just not my thing. Also, diarrhea.

He's loving it!

McDonalds food should be prescription only- for constipation cure, because after eating something from the dollar menu, you will poop for days. You will poop so much that you'll be lucky if you have any bones left after that.
And the gravy...mmm delicious! I bet its made out of horse semen and nail clippings.
Dont forget the fries! Nice, soaking in oil...FREE HEART ATTACK WITH EVERY PURCHASE!
Seriously, they never change the oil. Never. And the mexicans use the fryer as a jacuzzi after working hours. If you find feces and hair on your fries- you know why!
Instead of standing in line for aidsburger, go to a store, buy the ingredients yourself and make some damn burgers. Save money and save your intestines from the horror of McDiarrhea McDonalds.

That guy could put McDonald's out of business!

YOU LOVIN IT?
Tell in the comments!

racism

As you just saw, racism doesnt involv only mocking black guys. Chinese people make fun of us and so on.

This is OK!

Racism is not OK but racist jokes and stereotypes are. It is not ok to put on your robes and lynch a darkie. Well, unless you live in southern states, its the goddamn national sport there besides spitting, drinking, being poor and shooting at everything.
There are bright and talented black people out there, but it is quite cool to mock those lazy criminal niglets, who stole your bike. When you do that and someone says thats racist, you have my permission to beat the living crap out of this person. Heck, KKK should hunt down those people instead who think that some jokes are instantly total racism
You think that black people dont mock white ones? Go to a bad neighbourhood and see what happens- you'll get a bullet in your ass just for being white. Isnt that racism? No, thats "cultural heritage" and "ethnic culture". But when a white person says: "Damn nigga took my TV!", then  thats racism(even if a nigga really took a TV!). Dude, this thing is too fucked up. Those gangstas only justify the jokes and stereotypes.



Why isn't shooting white people racism? Or, go to china. 10 bucks that you end up molested or in jail for being different color that yellow. Is that cultural heritage again?
Seriously, doing nigger/chinese /whatever jokes is not racism! Its humor, and most of the cases- true stories. Hanging niglets besides a burning cross is racism, as is getting shot in a bad neighbourhood, huh honkey?
It is not right, that some whining dykes come stopping you say the nigger-word. Or other stuff. Why should it be OK to other races mock whites and whites must shut the fuck up? I dont see the logic here. Well ok, we enslaved your ancestors etc etc, but look at the news- see all the starvin' marvin'-s in Ethiopia? Atleast here, you have KFC and all the watermellin you can mongle.
It is unfair to take away the right to tell stereotypical jokes and stories!
But what do i think about the whole thing myself? Well, that.


Its a fucking bucket of crap.

Heck, here is another proof to a stereotype:


WHAT DO YOU THINK? 
Tell us in the comments!

People who seriously need to shut the fuck up

1) Ecoterrorists. Yes, we do care about the environment but seriously guys, constant jabbering about the mother earth pisses us off. Also, greetings to Greenpeace. Your ship is really ecofriendly! Even supertankers pollute less. Good job, ass-hats!
2) PETA. Have you dickswabs heard about food chain? I guess not. Also, thanks to your soy and tofu consumption, forests have been cut down to make room for fields. You know what cutting down forests causes? Extinction of species, thats what. Go fuck a donkey, shitstains.
3) Emo kids. You are not artistic, you are not special, people do understand you. We understand that you are a whiny piece of shit that deserves to put out of your misery. Please wear targets on your foreheads, that we could shoot you more easily.
4) Hipsters and hippies. Nobody gives a crap what you say and you smell bad. Go buy a soap instead of a macbook, damn cocksucking fags.
5) Paris Hilton. You know why.
6) Justin Bieber. Im sick of that singing fetus.
9) Mormons. No, i dont want to go to heaven if its filled with guys like you. I'd rather burn in eternal flames.
10) People from the drug commercials. I really dont give a crap about bladder infections and sonic diarrhea. If i have a disease and need drugs, i'll just go ask a doctor.
11) Oprah. Go see a dietician. Also, im tired of your bullshit and racism. Eat more cake and get a heart attack.
12) Chinese supremacists. Your nation is poor and crappy, go smell elsewhere.
13) Dykes and gay activists. Okay, i have nothing against fags but fucking do your shit privatly. Those protests and stuff like that made us hate you in the first place.

Have more ideas? Tell in the comments!

Call to arms!

I have ranted here enough, now its time to take some real action!

Im extremely annoyed of douchebags in their sportscars, SUVs, hummers and crap like that, who cant parallel park or even read the sign HANDICAPPED PARKING ONLY. Those faggots need to get their lesson.
When you see a badly parked car, get out your universal tool- keys. A rock or another sharp object will do the trick. Now press in on the car's body and scrape. Bonus points if you crudely draw a penis on the hood of the car- let everybody know who the driver is! A dickhead!
I will later supply you with authentic dickhead® stencil too!
Stay tuned!


 

DONT GET CAUGHT!
Some of the drivers can be quite
strong :)

OMG! A review!

Im not much of a review person but what the heck, everybody else is doing it so im gonna do one too!
Now lets see...what to write about *looks around* AH! My trusty old Nikon D40 DSLR!

With all the new 100000 megapixel cameras coming out, it would be interesting to see, how useful can still be older models.
Nikon D40 was given into production in late 2006 and discontinued in early 2009. I bought mine in early 2008, so it has been working for me for the past 3 years - flawlessly. But im not gonna tell you those boring techincal specs. Instead, im gonna tell you about my own experience.

The camera is made out of cheap plastic but seems to have some reinforcements inside. I dont care about the cheap plastic part since dropping the camera to concrete floor will definately do more damage than wrecking the enclosure, so i dont mind. Seriously- if you drop your camera, the magnesium alloy enclosure wont save anything. Most likely you will total the optics and autofocus sensor. Plus the plastic enclosure makes the camera really lightweight and comfortable, since it wont freeze to absolute zero during winter. And the ergonomics are just excellent! One of the most comfortable cameras i have ever used!

The battery is also quite decent, lasted up to 1300 frames when new so i rarely had to recharge it.
If you have a good lens mounted on it, you will have crisp and clear images with really good colors. The lens that came with the camera is quite medicore- good colors, decent focus but it is fragile like dried up poop. They are made that some guide rails inside the lens barrel will bend and warp in a few years, so that you have to buy a new lens. Clever, eh?

One bonus is a quite big screen, what is bright enough even bright sunlight.
The on-camera flash is quite crappy but does the trick if needed, also the continuos shoot rate is low, only 2FPS. But thats also OK, i have never needed faster rate.
It eats SD memory cards, what are cheap and can hold quite much data, so you can take it on your holiday without worries.
Also, it is easy enough to use, even when you are drunk. Really-really drunk. Telling from my own experience.

Main thing- it has been with me for a long time, making excellent pictures all the time and never failing me. It has been in rain, in blizzard and in scorching heat and the only problem has been dust on sensor, what can be removed in one minute. It has survived and it is still working. It's a shame that it got discontinued.
Conclusion: It is a nice all-around camera with what you can make pretty pictures if you are not completely retarded or a hipster.

FUN FACTS

...that i just made up!

1) Lawyers have absolutely no souls
2) If a lawyer looks into a mirror, no reflection appears
3) Attorneys feed on other people's misery
4) You can get rid of an attorney by sprinkling holy water on it's face or stabbing it with a cross
5) There is always one winning side in court- the attorney!
6) First thing that you do in a law school is selling your sould to the devil. Rest of the time you just learn how to ruin people's lives by bankrupting both sides- one with compensation claims and the other by fees.
7) Suing someone is the best way to ruin society
8) Devil makes lawyers out of feces
9) Law firms are actually satanist chuches
10) Attorneys are the #3 reason of testicular cancer
11) If you chop off attorney's head, two will grow in place

Since I got some pretty good feedback on the post Sexual harrassment panda, im opening the discussion again.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ATTORNEYS?
HOW COULD WE STOP THEM? 

(also visit this blog: http://thedailyshens.blogspot.com/ , its quite good!)

The DO's and DONT's

O hai, my 200 followers.

DO grind hipsters to a pulp but DONT feed it to animals- it is bad for them since hipster scum eats basically feces, thats why they are so full of shit :)

DO hit children if they deserve it (they do, most of the time) but DONT get caught! These little had it coming, dont let the law get in the way.

DO steal from where you work, but again, DONT get caught. Workplaces have all the stuff you need. When I worked in a shipyard, i managed to steal enough electrical wiring to change the old wires in my apartment and enough paint to make it all look pretty.

DO make fun of hipsters but DONT touch them. Most of hipsters consist of dried up feces and make up, you dont want to touch that, do you?

DO graffiti art but DONT do lame tags and shit like that. Graffiti can be fun and really a form of art, but nobody likes your tag or a crudely drawn penis.

DO ruin the paintjob of sportscars and hummers, that have been parked wrong or especially on handicapped parking area. There really isnt a DONT here, just do it goddamnit.

DONT be an asshole, seriously. Screw over only people who deserve it. You can be evil tho.

DO make fun of Jehova's witnesses and Mormons if they visit you. Bonus points if you manage to scare them off by doing something weird.

DO make explosives at home but DONT test them there. Thats why  the neighbour's backyard is for, especially if your neighbour is a total douche. Planting land mines in neighbour's yard is a great holiday idea!


DO let your kids play with live wires, kids love high voltage, right?


DO run around with knives and other blades. A chainsaw is not a bad idea either.

DO revenge all assholes and douchebags.

DO exterminate hipsters. I fucking hate hippies.

DO SHARE YOUR IDEAS IN COMMENTS!

greetings from radioactive outskirts of europe

I have been ranting about stuff for about a week now and well, im more than surprised. I have gained a lot of positive feedback and almost 200 followers. I wanna thank you for all the support i have recieved! Give yourself a pat on the back:)


I'd take this moment to tell about me and where i am from.
On the internet, im genderless. In real life, i dont know. Age is relative, since time doesent exist, clocks do. Im from a place called Estonia, or East Onion country. We are a glorious nation ruled by a forest animal- lynx. But the capital, Tallinn, is ruled by horribly mutilated radioactive beast Edgar, who has evil plans with us and tons of young mistresses.
Our lanuage consists of series of clicks and vowel sounds, words can't be separated from each other.
Our food consists primarily of blood, sand and chocolate, produced in a factory run by sewer mutants. They make the chocolate from sewage. Main article of food is still sand tho.
Our national culture is rich. On idle time we hang out and absorb lethal doses of radiation.
Main sports are driving aroud in a beaten-up BMW and raping teenage girls, as is pillow fights and wife beating.
If you visit us, make sure you visit the atom bomb craters and try our national foods!
Thats about it. Thanks for reading =3

The future is here?

You are spending time on the computer- reading news, updating your status, searching information, playing games...even reading this blog. Then you go outside but wait- you have to take your mp3 player along, also dont forget your phone! You might want to update your facebook when you are driving your car, what belongs to bank, actually.

I have nothing against gadgets but do we really need all that? Do we really need a smartphone what has 9009 functions? Well, some people think they do but jeez, shut the fuck up about how great your new app on your new iphone is. Nobody cares that you can check weather on your desktop IN CHINESE!!!!1!1one
Also, i really dont get the concept of some huge-ass tablets like iPas or aPad. Lets say, you have a nice, functioning laptop, but it has touch screen. Prety neat, eh, you can draw and stuff. Cool. Thank god i have a keyboard, a decent battery and all the ports i need. Now imagine that you dont- you have a horribly mutilated device with what you can check email and watch movies WHILE YOU ARE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING ROAD! How cool is that? Have you ever tried using a small touch keyboard? Whats wrong with netbooks? They can do all that tablets can and even more. They dont have a touch screen, so what? Do you need it so badly?
20 years ago computers were as portable as skyscrapers and touch screens were considered as witchcraft. people were happy then too. Instead of developing more powerful and efficient computers, companies make useless pieces of shit called tablets. I dont want one and im sick that these are forced on people. Also making them is a huge waste of materials.

Okay, so you like all the technical improvements and stuff but im sick of people bragging about their new stuff. Go fuck a giraffe!
I dont want the improvements to be forced on me, like apple does.
Apple releases new products quite often, thats great. But by that they render all previous ones (which tend to be better) obsolete and take them off from sale. When I want a functioning iPod nano (1st, 3rd and 4th generation), i cant have one by just walking to an Apple store and buying one. And the new ones are just crap. Do you know, how easy it is to break an iPod touch or iPhone? Also, if you dont like the new itunes because it has eliminated some options on your trusty iPod classic what you bought about a year ago, then good luck getting old itunes back. It's as comfortable as getting an anal probe.

Conclusion: technical improvements are not bad but they shouldnt be forced on people, especially by rendering previous systems obsolete. Also, more and more useless gadgets are products are produced every day, draining the earth's resources, so when we really need to build something, we dont have the resources.

I'm happy with my 21" CRT tv, 2 year old laptop, even older phone and not-so-popular ipod. Whats the point of getting new ones?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT USELESS GADGETS?

3D killed the cartoon star

O hai!

I've been a loyal fan of south park for many years- I was still a young boy when I first saw the fat ass of Cartman and Kenny dying in some silly accident. It influenced me a lot.
But today, I was shocked. I saw the 14th season of South Park. They had eliminated all the crude cutout animation and replaced it with SUPERSMOOTH 3D animation. Really, I was about to vomit. All those crude cutouts I grew up with, were gone or horribly mutilated.
True, the content of the show is still funny but the way they do it...well lets juse a quote from the show to describe that: "You're braking my balls man, you're breaking my balls..."

Atleast Japanese anime has some hand-made part in it left. No, im not talking about lolis giving old men giving handjobs but the silly little koreans drawing huge amounts of frames by hand. Atleast that is left...

Also, that huge supersmooth 3D wave has reached the games too. In example, Fallout I and II had quite adequate graphics, looked a bit crude but that made it good. Now Fallout III looks dramatic and all but its just not Fallout anymore. Also it sucks donkey balls anyway.
I remember the times when good looking and playable games fit on 1 CD, sometimes even less. Okay, some great games what didnt require a damn supercomputer to run fit on 3 CDs. Now, they stuff some ridiculous amonts of graphics in a dual side, dual layer DVD and you need world's most powerful computer to run it. Oh yeah. I miss the old days, when stuff looked crudely made, took few resources and all, you know. Now, smoothed out 3D stuff everywhere!

I like 3D animation tho, but in cinemas- special effects, entire movies (especially Pixar animation, I love it!) and so. But not in my old trusty cartoons.
Sure, they try to make things more realistic and so, but thats the whole point of it. Not all things must be real.

HAS 3D gone too far?
Tell us in the comments!

Guitar Queero

Well this is awkward- guitar hero has been released in so many versions that i lost count at 5.
Supporters of this game claim that it trains reflexes and stuff like that. Thats the only argument they have. Dont get me wrong again- i have nothing agains guitar hero personally but heck, i just dont get it- why not start playing a real guitar instead? Its a lot cheaper and teaches a lot more than just pressing some colorful buttons on a controller that can be also used for anal stimulation.
But i reckon, it's still better than IMVU and Travian combined.
Or you can let your kid to be a hipster and play with its own poop while listening to industrial noises mixed with vhite noise and ultrasound. Because excessive playing of gay-ass games like that will cause that. Where do i take this, you ask? Well, hipsters think that they are successful, but everybody hates them actually, getarqueero players think that they are huge hxc badass rockstars. Connect the dots.
Back in my days, we didnt have fancy toys like that. We didnt have so much opportunities, but we were still happy. Sort of. I remember playing with grenades and weapons and stuff like that. Those were the days..
But nowadays kids have all they could imagine and they still aren't happy and demand moar. Seriously, dont buy your kid guitar hero or stuff like that. Buy them real things that actually help them become humans. Even giving your kid some pot is better.

South park's opinion on guitar hero- WATCH IT HERE

I want this instead

WHATS YOUR OPINION ON MODERN TOYS?

so, you're a gamer, huh?

Go wash your teth with some cooking lard, scratch your neckbeard and fart.
Now you are ready for a 23-hour  online spree! Go harvest some farmville crops, slay some ogres on World of Warcraft, pretend to be 14-year old girl on IMVU and  get some virtual action! Then go back on WoW and do other stuff! Oh, and dont forget Travian! You must protect your pixels!!!
Online games rock!!! PIXELS FTWWWW!!! I leik world of warcraft, imvu, runescape, travian etc!!! And Mountain Dew! EXTREME! MOUNTAIN DEW!!!
Lol just kidding, you guys are awesome!

wow warcraft imvu mountain dew travian imvu chat imvu games world of warcraft imvu flas chat imvu games west online gaming games money gladiatus imvu games online gaming

Dont get me wrong- i dont hate gamers, i just dont like the new games so much. Back when i was young, games were a bunch of fun! I used to play all sorts of stuff in DOS environment!
But now...lets take some random online game/environment, like travian or imvu!
On travian, you create a free account because "your village needs you!", then, 10 minutes later , your pixelvile gets ravaged by other pixels, all the female pixels sodomized etc, but wait- if you pay a low-low price of $99.95, you can buy the extra-super-ultra pixels account, this will never happen again! Well, maybe every now and then, in every 2 minutes or so! But buy now or we will find you and take advantage of your pets!!! Call now!
IMVU in other hand, will devour your life savings slowly, 40 bucks at a time. For that, you get 100 000 credits what will melt away from your hands in about 0.2 microseconds! Fun! I love online gaming!
But i do actually love some standalone games like Fallout 1 and 2, Max Payne 1 and 2 and ofcourse Katamari! And lets not forget Crash Bandicoot and and Spyro!
Why pay tremendous amounts of money to some developer, when you can buy some great games for practically nothing or download for freee, because they are old? And old doesent mean boring. Some of the greatest games evr made are obsolete.


damn im high as a kite .__.
Got some more gaming relared stuff? Tell us!

lawyers are from hell vol2

An Observation by Sandra Day O'Connor
"There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people."

The Hundred-Dollar Bill.
        Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
        The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

A Reasonable Fee
        A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
        The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
        "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
        "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

Questions About Lawyers
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
        A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
        A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
        A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
        A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
        A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
        A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
        A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
        A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
        A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
        A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
        A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
        A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
        A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
        A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech>
        A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
        A: Just say, "Fees!"

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
        A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

lawyers are sent from hell

In fact, that is scientifically proven fact!
My country's leader scientist, dr. Bagatov said that! And he cant be wrong!
In his study he proved how attorneys, especially personal injury attorneys from Chicago are the minions of devil himself, sent to earth to empty people's bank accounts! And considering how much people sue each other these days and how high their rates are, this can be true!
I once talked to a lawyer, he was suddenly terrified when a cross appeared in sight.
It seems that they can get money out of all situations. I wonder, if a pinecone drops on my head, can i sue the landlord for 200 million dollars? I bet i can!

Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil

Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil Attorneys are evil

But why does the dark lord want money? I dont get that part.
Tell your ideas in the comments and help dr. Bagatov's study!

chainsaws are awesome

Chainsaws are fcking awesome.

Have you ever been in a crowded place with many children, who are screaming like minions of hell and drooling all over the place? The solution to that kind of problem is simple- a goddamn chainsaw. Yes. A simple sweep with chainsaw will silence all those little monglers. Dont get me wrong. I like children. I like them when they dont drool on me and dont scream until my ears need medical attention. And I also like chainsaws. Then why not combine those two? Plus you would do a huge favor to world, its overpopulated anyways. Oh, I know! Why not drive a steamroller accross a crowded street in China, these guys multiply faster than bacteria in a 16-year old's snatch.

And I know a nice band who makes nice music, suitable for this kind of action- Fu Manchu. Seriously, whenever I listen to their stuff, I feel like swinging around with a chair in a crowded place.



HAVE YOU EVER HIT A NOISY KID?
TELL US IN THE COMMENTS!